Yes, yes.... this blog is about Professional Organization but sister - organization is required in all parts of our lives, including (& especially) in our marriage. As in don't wait for Valentine's day, your anniversary or your spouse's birthday to pay attention to one another.
Your marriage needs constant attention. Each and every day.
I am by no means saying that the Mr. and I have had some sort of blissful existence. That would be false. We've had our share of ups and downs. Our share of sessions with the therapist. Let me tell you, it's only made us stronger.
We got married young, Ben was 25 and I was 22. We experienced a missed miscarriage a couple years later. It was extremely traumatic for both of us. Ben was amazing and more supportive than I could have ever imagined a man to be. The following year we would have our son and nineteen months later, our daughter. Yowzer. The early years were busy and exhausting.
Ben spent nearly every waking minute working. That's what you do when you're self-employed and have a family to provide for. Right? I spent the majority of my time caring for the babies, the house and working part time. Because, again, that's what you do. The lack of time for each other was apparent. It was more like room mates than husband and wife. It wasn't working at all.
Determined to turn things around we sought out a therapist. The early sessions were brutal. The truths that come out when there is someone there to "mediate" .... yikes. However, that's exactly what we needed.
I will NEVER forget her telling us to stop using the word BUT. "I am so glad you helped me give the kids a bath but you never picked up the towels..." She explained that each time you choose to use the word BUT, you negate what you are saying. I, of course, refused to buy into it initially. That's foolish... the more I thought about it the more I realized she was RIGHT! I think about this often now. Who wants to hear a thank you followed by how much you suck?! We had it all wrong.
I was also hung up on the fact that Ben loaded the dishwasher backwards, folded towels different than me, did all kinds of things that drove me wild- she gently reminded me that HE WAS TRYING and that he deserves credit for that.
And...there was some not so nice name calling going on. I'm not going to lie, it was an ugly scene at the Smith house. Raising babies/toddlers is hard freaking work. The mama feels like she's doing everything and not being appreciated... The Dad feels like all he is doing is working and all the mom is doing is caring for the babies... He feels like the only ones Mom has time for are the kids... Mom feels like Dad's life hasn't changed.... The story goes on & on. You all know what I'm talking about.
Ms. Therapist challenged us again... be super kind to one another. Each and every day. From the moment you get up... to the moment you leave the house... when Ben returns home, ask how his day was, etc. She explained it would feel fake but to keep at it. That eventually it would be our new norm. We did it. We worked really freaking hard to get past all the nasty crap that had been going on. We took a step back and realized it wasn't tit for tat... that we were in this crazy life TOGETHER.
These little tips & tricks have forever changed our marriage. {Along with one of my best friends who has always and forever been an ear to talk/yell into and/or shoulder to cry on} Because again, our marriage is NOT perfect, we still have our moments. I can say that it looks dramatically different than those early years. {AMEN}
We both make a conscious effort to make sure the other is happy; is there something we can be doing for eachother to help lighten the load; who is covering kids pick ups, etc. based on work schedules or plans; what needs to be done around the house {while the household chores generally fall under my to do list that is not to say that the entire family is not responsible for getting things done around here - if Mama needs help, she will have help}; and MOST importantly... making time for each other.
It's really easy for us to do now that our kids are older. We can easily sneak out for a date night here and there. Or even a lunch date while they are at school... We also try to make a point to get away for a night or two here & there alone. In the early years we had a great support for making that happen with our parents; sisters; and a handful of sitters. Perhaps you don't live near family or maybe money is an issue. I promise there are other ways to strengthen your marriage that don't cost a cent! Sure dates are fun but you can have a date at home after you've tucked your kiddies in for the night.
Don't wait for a holiday, anniversary or birthday to do something for your marriage. A little something each and every day will make a HUGE difference. This most certainly isn't about gifts (although those are nice, too) A little note or text; a favorite meal for dinner; a special dessert; whatever.... be kind and show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them. It's the little tokens that mean the most.
Not sure where to start... check out my Pinterest Board: Love & Marriage